I hope my heart just died…
So that heaven’s now somewhere on this side
Of the eternity I thought was you and me
But I doubt it
Why?
Because love indeed kills slowly, like your MySpace so rightly puts it
And everything we’ve been through, silently, dully, but unmistakably,
shouts it
I think its still dying…
I hope my heart just died…
And took with it the vicious pride
Or is it the pervasive shame? (I think the two may be the same)
That held me back from you
I hope my heart just died…
Killing the hundred unspoken lies
Harbored inside
and guised
So well they fooled both of us
And clouded the truth
I hope my heart just breathed its last
Giving its last breath to yours
A tiny reparation
For hurts of the past
The death by a thousand cuts it almost cast
…So this is desperation…
I hope no one else comes to try and save it
If it’s not you I’d rather it die
Alone and shattered, and waiting
For you
Only for you
[This is your name]
Beautiful
I know my heart hasn’t died
Because although I’ve cried
So often and hard my tears have now run dry
Inside, they’re steady flowing all the time
For you
I know my heart hasn’t died
Because I fight the numbness in which I once thrived
I don’t want it back, though hard it tries
Because looking into your eyes
I remember
Made me know how it feels to be truly alive
I know my heart hasn’t died
Because in my mind I am yours
And you’re still mine
Though in this moment I thought we needed time
I know my heart hasn’t died
Because she set it on fire with her words
So this is jealousy...
...never felt this way before
I could rip her throat out with heated hands
With fingers like adrenaline-loaded claws
But that's not the way to go
Lord, please forgive me and ease my angry soul
And although He did, the sick feeling remains
…So this is pain…
Are you really hers?
(How could you?)...
NO!… no…
Please don’t let it be that be true…
That's just not you
...is it? Now?
I know my heart hasn’t died
Because it is still at your side
Whether or not you choose to hold it
Yes,
You still could be with twenty others, or hundreds, or thousands
Breaking me even further each time
I would still want you back
First, last, only
The best thing to ever happen to me
Have I lost it, truly?
Please, no…
I’m glad my heart’s not dead
Because every word you said
Every embrace
Every kiss
Every tear you shed
Every effort you made
I keep there and replay inside my head
Understanding better
Loving deeper
Missing more bitterly
Hoping more frailly
Praying more steadfastly
Each and every time
I know my heart hasn’t died
Because I am still in love with you
AriluvzJu4eva
Yes, that’s still my password
"Forever…"
It keeps echoing
But what will forever bring,
If faith is the substance of things hoped for,
And the evidence of things not seen?
By faith in God and hope in us,
I pray someday we will be again
[You], I love you.
08-14-A.D.2009
