Returning to Dating after a long marriage, I wrote this about how I felt about the "game"
When it comes, it feels ominous
and in the silence there is an absence of pressure.
There is just the waiting.
Watching the sunrise in the new spring morning,
where it is still cold and the fog hazes the color of the sky.
We wait and wonder
When will it burn off and become warm again.
Days become long and the weeks are longer,
like they were when I was a young girl.
Time has awakened a part of me
as the regret fades from my face,
the lines from my years,
the love I know inside sleeps like a bear in a never ending hibernation.
Dating, sharing, meeting people, dating, mingling.
All acts of the social business of how I can show the world,
"yes, look at me, I am good, I am fine, I have moved on."
Trickery, smoke and mirrors for myself and for anyone who is watching too closely.
It is "I" inside the storm, inside the calm, the eye,
waiting for the wall to hit again.
And he hits,
he comes hard.
His words pierce with nothing but empty tokens.
The words always empty as it was,
and never loud to awaken the beast asleep inside.
Dragging about with wild emotional fluctuations and confusion.
He will always be the one, always be the bar, always be the envy and the most.
Eyes meet once again, and smiles touch lip to lip
the reality of the enigma
It has opened the chasm of the Calm.
