last night I saw the ugliest sight
she emerged out of this deep place
of not believing good things
that place where anger feels better than sadness
where selfishness encompasses like a too-warm blanket
growing tighter until you have no circulation
last night I saw the ugliest sight
(and it was me)
I should be used to that, but I am not
as the new creation becomes the reality
the old is so grotesque
I can’t even look at her
she speaks out of an overflow of negative emotion
I don’t need you, I am fine on my own.
What about me?
she pleads for the world
not realizing everything is already lost to her
when I saw her
I did my best to control her
to keep her under wraps
to try to reduce the amount of damage she did
she appeared in a dream again this afternoon
as I tried to nap off this affliction
in dreams, you see
she’s always trying to go somewhere else
always searching and always coming up short
always seeking pleasure to mask her misery
always alone and unsatisfied
she’s more tame then, at least
in nightmares I can wake up
start all over again
so today I walked
I walked off my storm
walked off my angst
walked until I knew
she wasn’t real anymore
but for a moment I was glad
she still shows her ugly face at times
glad to be reminded of my frailty
how else could I remember the need for Love outside myself?
I knew in that moment
she is a part of me
the dead part
and you don’t just love me
you love me
the thought almost pushed me off balance
that she would be the recipient of such a Great Love
such a non-deserving Grace
Isn’t that the point?
I saw the ugliest sight
and it was me
(Not anymore)
I looked around the neighborhood at the houses decorated for Halloween.
It used to annoy me, people celebrating death. Hanging cobwebs and skeletons, ghost and witches, why all that when there is so much life?
And then I knew, as I watched a plastic ghost tied to a tree flutter in the wind, its body moving in a moment,
That the small difference between death and life is in the Wind.
http://brookegale.com/2011/10/27/i-saw-the-ugliest-sight-and-it-was-me