The date started off decently enough
But then she had a handful of candy
and ordered a third giant glass of soda
Then the conversation inevitably turned
to our current show business occupations
I said I was a writer and zombie killer
You know, just to break the proverbial ice
Bad move
Soon her verbal flood gates flew open
She laughed like a damn hyena on crack
She said she was both of those as well
but not the zombie killer or writer part
There was more
She said she was an actress/model/pixie
I casually asked if she had booked any
gigs on screen that I might have seen
She launched into bizarre sound effects
There was more
She tried to change the subject but I
couldn't keep myself from the obvious
I said "Um, you know pixies aren't real,
don't you? Or were you trying to be cute?"
She proceeded to snort a line of sea salt
I pined for my video camera
She jumped to her feet and declared loudly:
"I'm a cute pixie and you should buy me
stuff before we ever meet in public again!"
She threw money on the table and fled
In her tantrum, she had inadvertently
also tossed down her golden debit card
I noticed the PIN number written on it
"Check, please!" I announced with gusto
Never discount actors who pay to play
I thought, as I made plans to visit Hawaii
on the dime of the cute actress/model/pixie
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